The other day I overheard the melodious sound of someone singing the Police’s “Every Breath You Take”. (side note – yes, if memory serves, I may have told the songster that the tune sounded like a mixture between Fergie and Jesus…)
I promptly pointed out – as I always do whenever I hear this song – that this particular song is my choice for the Stalker Anthem. You know, those obsessive and somewhat creepy love songs that are well-sung to when you’re not really thinking about the lyrics. But once you take a moment and consider the words, the song goes from one of gooey cheese to something more akin to the soundtrack of Fatal Attraction. And no one likes a bunny boiler.
This, as it so often does, prompted the discussion of other potential Stalker Anthems. Another gauntlet thrown, another challenge accepted. Thus the creation of the Stalker Anthem Soundtrack. The Top 20 Songs to Be a Creep-ster To.
20. Invisible – Clay Aiken
Like Clay Aiken isn’t creepy enough. I was loathe to include this song, since, well, I have some taste. But in the interest of finding creepy songs, this is what I’ve got. The creepiest lyrics: “If I was invisible, then I could just watch you in your room.” And, “I keep tracing your steps/each move that you make/wish I could read what goes through your mind..” Thanks Clay. Normally I’d jump to defend a fellow ginger, but your Creep factor is a bit out of my comfort zone.
19. You Belong to Me – Carly Simon
When possession (obsession) isn’t 9/10ths of the law. Creepy lyrics: “You belong, you belong, you belong to me/Tell her you were fooling/Tell her she don’t even know you… Don’t leave me to go to her now/You belong to me.”
18. One Way or Another – Blondie
Determined, wasn’t she? Creepy lyrics: “One way or another, I’m gonna find ya, I’m gonna getcha, getcha, getcha/One way or another, I’m gonna win ya, I’m gonna getcha getcha getcha/One way or another I’m gonna see ya, I’m gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha…”
17. My Sharona – The Knack
More than just a tune that Winona Ryder danced to in a gas station a la Reality Bites. I don’t know if it is creepster-ish exactly, but there is something to the lyrics that indicate a higher than normal creep factor. Creepy lyrics: “Never gonna stop, give it up/Such a dirty mind, Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind.”
16. I Love You, I’ll Kill You – Enigma
I suppose there is something to being obvious in your creepster status. Good solid threatening lyrics and hearing voices are integral to a creepster anthem, correct? Creepy lyrics: ” I see love/I can see passion/I feel danger/I feel obsession/Don’t play games with the ones who love you/’Cause I hear a voice who says/I love you… I’ll kill you.”
15. Possum Kingdom – Toadies
Reading these lyrics, I have to admit – this is less about love and seems more sinister. High creep factor here. Creepy lyrics:
I’m not gonna lie, I’ll not be a gentleman
Behind the boathouse
I’ll show you my dark secret
I’m not gonna lie
I want you for mine
My blushing bride
My lover, be my lover, yeah…
Don’t be afraid
I didn’t mean to scare you
So help me, Jesus
I can promise you
You’ll stay as beautiful
With dark hair
And soft skin…forever
14. Living Room – Tegan and Sara
The girl version of Peeping Toms? Or maybe they just like to watch. Creepy lyrics: “My windows look into your bathroom/Where I spend the evening watching/You get yourself clean”
13. Limp – Fiona Apple
There is something about angry girl music. Although just because they’re spurned women, it doesn’t make the phallic threat any less creepy. Creepy lyrics: “It won’t be long ’till you’ll be/Lying limp in your own hand.”
12. Crash into Me – Dave Matthews Band
Yep. Another Peeping Tom song disguised to be one of those songs you see so often on a “Top Sex Songs” list. Until you sing along. And realize you just said this: “Oh, I watch you there/Through the window/And I stare at you/You wear nothing, but you wear it so well.”
11. Necromancer – Gnarles Barkley
Dude, Cee Lo couldn’t even put a song with the word “Fuck” on the radio and the guy made a song like this? No. Really?! Like the title didn’t say it all. Seriously Fucked Lyrics: “It’s naughty, very naughty necrophilia/Without a care I’m compassionate about killing her/I’d have my way with what’s left of the will in her.”
10. Kiss With a Fist – Florence + the Machine
Who doesn’t love a little violence with their domestic bliss? Creepy lyrics: “You hit me once, I hit you back/You gave a kick, I gave a slap/You smashed a plate over my head/Then I set fire to our bed.”
9. Across the Sea – Weezer
Who hasn’t wondered about the 18 year old fan that is entranced with you? I’m just linking the whole song, as it in its entirety is just creepy overall. http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Across-The-Sea-lyrics-Weezer/17ED6922FE564B9F482568B60016C19E
8. Girlfriend in a Coma – The Smiths
It almost seems a sweet and concerned type tune. Until you wonder… how did girlfriend get into the coma anyway? Creepy lyrics: “Girlfriend in a coma/I know it’s really serious/There were times when I/Could have murdered her..”
7. Kill You Tonight – Type O Negative
Any song that starts with the lyrics, “I got a pixaxe in my trunk” pretty much gets on the list. Just on merit. I’m sure someone can come up with some colourful metaphor for the lyrics. But creepy, they are.
6. Heart Shaped Box – Nirvana
Admittedly, a bit creepy – locked inside a box? Traps? Who knew? Creepy lyrics: “I’ve been locked inside your heart-shaped box for a week/I’ve been drawn into your magnet tar-pit trap/I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black.”
5. A Little Piece of Heaven – Avenged Sevenfold
Upon listening to the first bit, you wonder if this is just another love-ish song. Until you hit the part where it gets less creepy and more.. homicidal. This song – and the video – is just all kinds of messed up. Almost amusingly so.
Almost laughed myself to tears,
conjuring her deepest fears
(come here you fucking bitch)
Must have stabbed her fifty fucking times,
I can’t believe it,
Ripped her heart out right before her eyes,
Eyes over easy, eat it, eat it, eat it
4. Delia’s Gone – Johnny Cash
Even the Man in Black had his creepster moments. I mean, poor Delia. All shot up in the first stanza. Creepy lyrics: “Delia o Delia/Delia all my life/If I hadn’t shot poor Delia/I’d have had her for my wife/Delia’s gone/one more round, Delia’s gone.”
3. #1 Crush – Garbage
Is there anything Shirley Manson won’t do for you? Die, lie, cheat, kill, burn.. it goes on and on. The obsessed creep’s anthem. Sing along. I know you all know the words.
2. I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab for Cutie
Again, when persistence meets crazy creepsters. Creepy lyrics: “You reject my advances and desperate please/I won’t let you let me down so easily/So easily”
1. Every Breath You Take – The Police
Was there any doubt this song would receive top billing? It’s the best Stalker Anthem out there. I challenge any of you to top it. You all know the words, I don’t even have to share them.
Okay my readers – I’m certain there are some great Emo-type songs out there that are high in the creep factor. Perhaps a Mazzy Star or Portishead song missed? Share ’em here. Creep on.